day to day grind

I only have 2 more weeks till my next ultrasound.  I don’t have anything exciting to report, and we are anticipating the cysts will be gone (Lord willing) at the next ultrasound, if not by 32 weeks.  It will be a waiting game after that until William’s birth to know if there are any chromosomal abnormalities that I have discussing in my previous blogs. 

I seem to have moved on to the day to day grind.  I still don’t like being around people I don’t know or talking about my pregnancy with strangers as it is just a reminder there is something wrong.  I am very distracted though.  I felt like a piece of poo when I completely forgot about my 4 year olds Easter egg hunt at his school.  Thankful it was only the last 10 minutes of class and he was really scattered by candy all over the ground, so I don’t think he noticed. I feel overwhelmed so easy right now… and to be honest life hasn’t really been a walk in the park for many reason’s lately, Liam’s prognosis just being one of the difficult situations in life to deal with. 

Although there hasn’t this dramatic, crazy flow of strangers flocking to our emotional needs, God has been gracious in providing us with amazing friends that seem to have a compassion that has meet our expectations by far.  I still don’t feel completely ready to tell all those that are close to us as it is enough for us to handle let alone trying to help others understand the situation and help them work emotionally through what’s going on.  To some it might not seem like a big deal as they are working through other aches and pains that may appear worse, so I am content with the support that has rallied around us. 

Last Thursday some amazing women from my bible study got together to hang out.  These women are great and I feel privileged to be included in such a social outing.  Although I didn’t go searching for it, they spent some time at the end of the evening to pray for Brian, William and I.  I was grateful for these women, and for the others who have done the same prior to that evening. 

I think anyone who has given birth knows it is stressful to have to ask others to help when the baby comes.  Finding people that will love and care for my boys and help me through another C-section is challenging.  It’s hard to ask so much of others and we know we are not entitled in any way for people to help us for free or at all.  We have some friends and family who are wonderful and have even said they feel “honored” we would ask them to help us during such a time.  And we are also grateful for a few cute college girls we are close to who are willing move in with us to help us while I am in the hospital for 4 days.  The time before the delivery is going to be tense for us and we won’t know what to expect with William till he is here.  I still have 16+ weeks to go which seems like an eternity, but I know it will fly by. 

Next month, I’m hoping to have a college girlfriend of mine come over to talk to us a little about Down syndrome as her 18 month old son was diagnosed with in 24 hours of his birth.  She has been super supportive in offering emails and for us to call her.  Although we don’t know for sure if Liam has downs, it will be helpful to hear what she has to say and to meet her precious baby boy.  If anything, it will be a learning experience for us on how to better love those who have family or loved ones with down syndrome.  I will say, I am amazed at this woman’s humility.  In an email to us offering for her and her husband to come over to spend some time with us, she even suggested to keep her sweet son back as she did not want to make the situation uncomfortable or painful… I want to be that person who desires to serve and love that I could set my own needs for validation etc aside.  Of course we want them to bring him over and honestly I can’t wait to meet him and kiss his little cheeks. 

Thanks again for giving me the freedom to express my feelings freely on such a forum.  I know that people have gone through much worse in life, have had grief and pain that I cannot comprehend, and are still trying to recover and for that my heart aches for you.  My prayer is that others rally around you, love you and let you grieve as you need as people have been gracious to us in doing so. 
That’s all for today.